That it might be a single whole

"And all the craftsmen among the workmen made the tabernacle with ten curtains. They were made of fine twined linen and blue and purple and scarlet yarns, with cherubim skillfully worked. The length of each curtain was twenty-eight cubits, and the breadth of each curtain four cubits. All the curtains were the same size. He coupled five curtains to one another, and the other five curtains he coupled to one another. He made loops of blue on the edge of the outermost curtain of the first set. Likewise he made them on the edge of the outermost curtain of the second set. He made fifty loops on the one curtain, and he made fifty loops on the edge of the curtain that was in the second set. The loops were opposite one another.  

And he made fifty clasps of gold, and coupled the curtains one to the other with clasps. So the tabernacle was a single whole. He also made curtains of goats' hair for a tent over the tabernacle. He made eleven curtains. The length of each curtain was thirty cubits, and the breadth of each curtain four cubits. The eleven curtains were the same size. He coupled five curtains by themselves, and six curtains by themselves. And he made fifty loops on the edge of the outermost curtain of the one set, and fifty loops on the edge of the other connecting curtain. And he made fifty clasps of bronze to couple the tent together that it might be a single whole."

Ex 36:8-18


Especially this past year, being single has felt like a punishment rather than a provision. The Lord called me across the world to enter in to the sufferings of the least of these. I was never afraid to go alone (although I was afraid that going alone meant being alone forever). In fact, independence has been one mark of the last 14 years of my life. It would have been my preference to be sent with a partner. But that’s not what the Lord has for me. For my joy and God’s glory, I said yes. And it’s been the hardest and most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me.

I never paid much attention to how much I rely on others, but I do. It’s like the Lord used my independence as a "main thing" that helped me get to Kenya, and then as soon as I got here, He took it away.  Considering I’m an older single and have been independent for a long time, losing that independence and freedom to spend time as I desire for Him has been very tough. I just don’t know what that looks like anymore with the limited ways I have to spend the time I have each day. I'm learning what that looks like here, and it's very different.

In the states, being single wasn't as hard as it is here, because of my community. Being afforded the simple presence of people who just know you, who just get it, and are okay with you being a hot mess or a woman confident in what God is asking of you- My people being there day in and day out, at Roots, at home, at work, and me being able to be there for them just as much? That’s missing. It hurts. It’s terrible emotionally, but great in the living out of the Gospel, and preaching it to myself often and telling dear friends, “Hey, I don’t believe this is true for me right now. Can you just pray for me?”

It’s a huge struggle to be alone, especially now- because of distance, both physically and emotionally. My favorite is to spend one on one time with each of my friends. I’m not great a big groups. I am an external processor, and incessant question-asker. Small talk makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon. Maybe you can see how starting over relationally has been so difficult for me, and how being here alone doesn't feel like a blessing at all.

I have been studying Exodus for the last 6 months. And something really struck me as I was learning about how God instructed the Israelites to build the tabernacle: the curtain was pieced together, made of many yards of finely twined linen fabric- into a single whole. That specific phrasing in the Old Testament blows me away for a few reasons.

First, everything in and around the tabernacle pointed to a more perfect redemption, Jesus. He is in and through all things, including the way God’s people atoned for sin and worshipped before Christ’s death and resurrection. Every part of the tabernacle represented just a portion of what Jesus is to us; so bringing it all together to point to the culmination of God's promise of a savior makes all the parts of the tabernacle into a single whole.

Second, Jesus on Earth was fully God and fully man. He lived a simple life with a few disciples, remained unmarried, and sacrificed his life for our eternal redemption. He called his community of faith his family, and constantly pointed to the Father, confounding the church leaders of the day and worrying his mom and siblings. He fully lived out the calling God had for him on Earth. He was a single whole. 

The body of Christ is a great metaphor for this. All of us together, doing the will of the one who calls us, each according to our giftings and talents, to make much of him, work in unison to glorify him. We all work communally to be a single whole.

As an individual, I am made up of many parts: personality traits, actions, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and sin patterns. Jesus promises that all of who I am, even the ugly parts, can be used for God’s glory. Even when things about who I am are contradictory to one another (because I have those), they are all working together for him, because of him. I am complete because of who He says I am. I’m not half of anything, or lacking something, or incomplete. Because He has called me his, I am a single whole too.