On days like today, I normally am so down in the dumps, mad at the world, frustrated with myself. I woke up feeling awful, a sad continuation of yesterday. I had Very Important Things to get accomplished today, which requires A Game Status. I wore jeans on a day I wasn't supposed to, the Internet and Maverick messed up my testing sessions this morning, Pearson lost one of my kindergarteners' testing information in cyberspace. I forgot to run copies of the rubric for assessing 5th grader's semester research projects, and to top it off, we had a pot luck lunch today and I eat at 1 pm on Tuesdays- the last lunch of the day. You know what that means, right? That means- THERE'S NO FOOD LEFT. Boo. I was anticipating the worst, fearing for my emotional sanity, and prepping for a day from hell.
But God.
I don't have to be at my A Game, because my A Game is counted as filthy rags. He supported me, sustained me, helped me have a (mostly) good attitude, and I didn't cry. Miracle of all miracles. I had a great time with sweet little kinders, laughed a lot and celebrated a lot with my 5th graders who put everything into their amazing projects, and a lot of kids surprised me today by bringing money for shirts to support my Kenya trip.
Even on a day where I feel like I'm phoning it in, there is sufficient grace for me. What I can't do, he fills those gaps. I think the best thing about today was that I was under no illusions-I knew I was sucking hardcore. I couldn't try and pretend it was good or that I was making great things happen. Normally, I'm sucking but I've fooled myself into thinking I'm awesome, that I've got it under control, and i know what I'm doing. More often than not, those gaps that are always there, but easily overlooked by me, are being filled by the Lord.
