The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9
I wrote this poem last weekend while I was sitting in the sanctuary, waiting for church to start. It's a little glimpse into the week in, week out feeling of loneliness that permeates everything about weekend services/ local church for me. Even though I see friends and chat with them a little, more often than not, I sit alone, speak with no one, and leave quietly. I don't want it to be that way, but fear gets in my way of interrupting others in their conversation, being told "no" if I ask to sit with acquaintances- and yes that has happened before- so although they are petty and silly, they are not unfounded. Nevertheless, the truth about who I am in Christ should make all that junk fall away like ash. But oftentimes, it doesn't. This was a way for me to confront my deceitful feelings while meditating on the truth.
Even though I am not alone
I sit in the crowd
and I am lonely.
I will not allow the enemy
to whisper
lies
of my worthlessness
to me.
For I have been bought
with a price
free to me
yet costly to my Lord.
So here I sit
swallowing the lump
in my throat
blinking back tears
Everything I feel
makes my head struggle
to believe the Truth
that my heart denies:
I am worthy (because He says I am).
I am loved (because He loves me).
