There have been more overwhelming days than not in the past two months of my life. Situations and circumstances have grated on every last bit of patience I possess. What follows is a true rundown of the frustrations I have been attempting to deal with.
For starters, I've been going to physical therapy twice a week for about 7 weeks now. My wrist isn't better yet. How long will I have to go until I can bear weight on it again? All from a dumb dog bite?!
My car has been in the shop for over 2 weeks at this point. I have taken it back three times to get issues taken care of that should have been done right the first time. As of today, I am in my 4th rental car. I can't tell you how many early mornings and late afternoons I've spent in dealership lobbies, rental car waiting rooms, and collision repair shops.
I sold a big chunk of my possessions last weekend and it feels freeing, I'm not sad about it at all- but there's just this twinge of thinking, "some big changes are coming". I'm not just talking about moving to Kenya either. It's more about the nomad life of "in between" - where I won't really have a home for 6 months or so- and even when I get to Kenya, I won't have a permanent home for another 5 months.
To top the entire thing off, I got sick. Two days before Thankgiving, my body just gave in to the weariness and stress and I am sick. I don't get to make the Mac and cheese or homemade rolls I wanted to make for my family. I don't get to make the yummy new pie recipe I wanted to try out for my last Thanksgiving in the States for awhile. I am sad.
I cannot tell you all how difficult it is to do this alone. People can certainly empathize with me, but at the end of the day, the weight of it all falls on me. To go to the therapy appointments, to ensure that my car is in working order, and to get proper rest so I don't get super sick. I know that the Lord is with me, working all things together for my good. I know his yoke is light and I should allow him to carry my burdens. I try. But I still feel sad. I still feel alone. This is hard. It's hard to come to the end of your patience.
I am so thankful for those who have checked in on me, given words of encouragement, prayed for me. I am thankful for the journey God has placed me on right now, even though it's not easy. If we haven't talked in awhile, it's mostly because I'm trying to survive. And not complain. And do two jobs at once with excellence. Sometimes when there's not a lot of positive to say, I stay silent. I'm trying to be more open and let you in on the good and the bad, the delightful and the difficult. This is what I've been dealing with most recently. I would appreciate continued prayer and grace for where I'm at. The Lord will continue to renew my mind, and my emotions will realign with what is true, allowing me perseverance, patience, and strength to move forward, day by day.
