Home

Home. The meaning is lost on me these days. The home I had for 32 years is now not my home. I've never not lived in Texas. But now, I live in Kenya. It's my home. It doesn't feel like it yet. But slowly, surely, it's settling into my mind and my heart. This is the place the Lord has called me to be at home.

For the last two weeks, a team of Naomi's Village staff members have been exploring the meaning of home. We've gone into some of the most desperate and impoverished areas near our new school campus, and searched out the least of these. The families who have no hope. The children who have empty bellies except for once a day, in the evenings. The students who are in school, but significantly behind.

I can't explain the duality of emotion that happens each day when we visit these homes. There's the excitement of possibility- perhaps this family will be able to send all of their children to Cornerstone! Their entire family would be changed, placed on a different path, for success and a future, and learning that it was God who saw fit to make our lives known to one another, as neighbors. 

But there is also the heart wrenching despair that threatens tears every time I stoop into a stick-and mud-doorframe. How have these families survived like this? Yet they are smiling. They offer us a mug of chai or a cup of hot water as a thank you for looking in on their plight, desiring something better for their children, yet not knowing how to give it.

 One child is seven years old and has not yet been to school. As we were assessing his knowledge to decide what class we should place him in, I was dumbstruck by the basic things he simply did not know. He did not know any colors. He did not know any shapes. When I asked some of my coworkers about this, how this was possible- they didn't really know what I was asking. So I reframed my question: "When I was a little girl, before I was in school, my parents would tell me- 'The sky is blue', or 'The grass is green' or 'A cow says, "Moo."' This is how I learned basic knowledge. Are these parents not doing this with their kids?" And the truth is, they don't. It's not a cultural norm for parents to interact with their kids in those ways, to play with them, to spend time with them, to talk to them and listen in return. Parents give their kids directives, like, "Go pick three potatoes from the garden," but the basic knowledge is left to the schools. And the public schools here are failing. Miserably. So it's no wonder that as we search out families with the highest needs (shelter, water, food, electricity), we are also finding the greatest educational lack.

We are hoping to change the meaning of home. Knowing that our longing for home won't be completely satisfied until Heaven, we desire to present shadows of that home to families in the Rift Valley. We desire for these families to find a home with us, at Cornerstone. To belong. To know that God has called us and them to work together to change the future of Kenya from the inside out. To be in community. We can't do everything that needs to be done- but we can start somewhere. And we believe that is in making a home for all of us, together, at Cornerstone.

Nime kuja hapa ku fundisha shule ya Naomi's Village.

"I have come here to teach at the school of Naomi's Village." But there's so much more.

Every day this week, beginning at 7:30 am, I have studied Swahili for three hours straight. I have had conversations with my teacher. He’s a very good teacher, and he lets my curiosity lead the lessons. I really appreciate that. No textbook here, people. I have asked questions. I have answered questions. We have built a friendship. Time spent together tends to do that.

I’ve learned some about his family. He’s from Tanzania, but has lived in Kenya for a couple of years. His parents are still living, and he is one of 5 siblings. Recently, his only sister has fallen ill. She’s been in the hospital for awhile. In the last 5 days, she has stopped eating, talking, or responding to any stimuli. She is still conscious, but unresponsive. He will go home to Tanzania to say goodbye to her. I think the only reason he told me about this is because he received the call about her status during our lesson. Africans are generally pretty private about hardships or sickness, unless they really know you and trust you. He has been sending all his money to his family to pay for the hospital expenses. His sister has two daughters, ages 10 and 12. Their father has already passed away. He is the only one in his family who is gainfully employed. His parents are no longer working due to their age, and his three brothers do not have jobs. He is the sole caretaker for his family, and now he will have the responsibility of paying school fees for his nieces, continuing to buy food for his entire family, and making sure everyone else stays healthy- while living a country away in order to have steady income.

I share all of this to show that heartache is heartache. The circumstances that seem insurmountable to us are matched equally in different cultures by the everyday situations we take for granted, like having a steady job close to our immediate family, or high quality health care. Just to be able to sit and listen to his fears and questioning, but in the next breath hear him assure me that God will provide because he hears our cries- it just levels me. How often do I doubt God is for my good in such minuscule circumstances? But here is this faithful brother, experiencing this broken world in deeper ways than I can comprehend, and through his sorrow he still believes in God's goodness. He knows God is good. He trusts that God works all things together for his good. Story after story of God’s provision has been evident in the lives of so many, back at home and here at home.

Again, it’s clear to me that being a missionary isn’t only about what can be given. My whole life is here, not just the part that's passionate about education. I will have days that feel unsuccessful. I will have days where the weight of darkness threatens to overshadow the light. But today was about what can be received in humility and community. These moments shape my ministry and my view of God’s holiness. Will you join me in praying for his sister, her daughters, my teacher, and the rest of their family?

For the Love by Jen Hatmaker

I’ve mentioned before that I was chosen to be on a book launch team. It’s for Jen Hatmaker’s new book, For The Love. When I found out I was on this team, I felt a little nervous. I didn't want to be in this "elite group" - especially knowing that 5,000 applied and she only could choose 500- if it meant that everyone was just going to be gaga over Jen the whole time. I know that Jen is easy to like because she's hilarious, and it's easy to be like "Oh, I'm on Jen Hatmaker's TEAM." However, coming from a very large church with a famous pastor, I know that celebrity is not the point. Coolness is definitely not the point. The point of this book is Jesus. The point of this book is that the cross of Christ frees us from being perfect because the blood of the perfect One has covered us. It's not about how funny the book is, it's not about getting to meet a famous author/blogger, and honestly it's not even about the community of the launch team as an end to itself. All of those fun and exciting things are byproducts of the gospel of Jesus going forward with humility, honesty, humor, and community.

Saturday night was the Launch Team party at Jen's house. I would have loved to go to the party to meet all my launch team friends in person. It also would have been great to reconnect with those I've met locally in DFW since March. Of course, being there was not possible because, ya know, I moved to Africa. So.

But can I just tell you that the online community we have formed is awesome? I know it seems totally strange- 500 women and four men (called the #bandoffour) all sharing deep prayer requests and struggles. It seems like it's almost safer to share with someone you haven't really met, because there's absolutely no risk- who are they gonna tell? What in your relationship previously will have them eye rolling at your latest crisis, which sounds about like all the other crises you've had in the last year? (don’t tell me you haven’t done this with your life long friends, people.) We don't have history with each other. But I'm telling you- sometimes it felt like one of the two safe places I felt I could breathe out, be honest, and show my crazy, my fears, my unbelief. Within our team, there's also been an outpouring of meeting needs- we have donated cash to Help One Now, we have found so many among us with commonalities other than Christ, we've sent gifts to each other, bought a car for one of our members who just graduated from high school and aged out of the foster care system, we have inside jokes (#notpaintballsex), we have visited other launch team member's friends in the hospital and brought their family dinner (I cannot believe this), we've joined up for pen pals, we have helped fund short term mission trips, we've guest blogged on each other's forums, and more. 

Anna, Me, Amanda, Annaliese, and Delia Jo at the first DFW Meet up.

Annaliese came to my going away party at Roots!
We never would have known each other if it wasn't
for the book launch team.

Let me assure you- this book is outstanding. I cannot recommend it enough. If you've read any of Jen's other books, you understand the stance she takes when she speaks of grace and sanctification. This book is peppered with laugh out loud humor (with a nod to Jimmy Fallon's hilarious "Thank You" notes segments) and heart piercing truth about the human condition, the grace freely given us through the Cross, and permission to walk in freedom. There's also a lot of encouragement to do things in the way of community that we haven't done before because of fear- and we simply don't have room for that as adopted sons and daughters of God. The time for inclusivity and benefit of the doubt and service- it's right now. I felt really convicted about focusing more on my fear of being left out than being the one who includes. It's finally starting to make sense- serve others in the way you desire to be ministered to and you will also be ministered to! The first become last, the last become first.... get it? Through serving others' needs, your own needs will be met. Service just works like that. It's backwards and awesome.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes (I had a hard time narrowing these down. Sorrynotsorry.) :

“Calling is virtually never a big or famous work; that is rarely the way the kingdom comes. It shows up quietly, subversively, almost invisibly. Half the time, it is unplanned- just the stuff of life in which a precious human steps in, the good news personified.”

“God created an entire package. It all counts. There are no throw away qualities. In fact, those qualities might point you in just the right direction. Nothing is wasted; not a characteristic, preference, experience, tragedy, quirk, nothing. It is all you and it is all purposed and it can all be used for great and glorious good.”

"Maybe your best thing won’t draw a paycheck, but it is how you shine and glow and come to life and bless the world."

"Show up. Be seen. Tell the truth. Be free."

On kids: “If they don’t love Jesus and people, it matters zero if they remain virgins and don’t say the F-word. We must shepherd their hearts, not just their hemlines.”