Settling In

Today was our first "on the ground" day at Naomi's Village. We had church this morning, followed by a lunch with the Cornerstone Teachers, and a meeting discussing our role and how we would be working with the classes at Cornerstone. It was a great meeting with lots of questions, laughter, and talk. Of course, as happened last year, many teachers were surprised to hear the American teachers have similar problems in their classrooms as Kenyan teachers do- students who can't read as well as they should be able to, those who avoid completing work, those who have behavior issues.

I was asked many questions about Gifted and Talented students and we began formulating a list of students I should be testing based on teacher recommendations. I will be working mostly in Grade 2 with Teacher Samiyu- helping fill in some gaps that some students have in Reading. I'm also going to work in Grade 3 with Teacher David- managing classroom climate and student behaviors. I will be teaching art every Friday afternoon- my hope is to give the kids an outlet other than sports and playing with toys.

If you just read the last paragraph, you will see how perfectly God has formulated this summer specifically to my passions and niches within education. GT, Reading intervention, behaviorist approaches, AND art?!?! This is SO my jam. I can't wait to get in there and get started! My full schedule will begin on Friday, because Monday is Africa Children's Day, so we are taking the kids to the local celebration and they are performing. Tuesday through Thursday is the next round of Exams (Kenya has 3 rounds of exams per school year for each class).

This morning, I was reading in Luke, and just pouring over the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth- advanced in years, barren- and yet, God gave them John the Baptist in His perfect timing and will. I feel like I'm in this place- this unknown about my future, like if I say "yes" in one area, I'm giving up the opportunity for other things that I desire to come to pass. I'm just like, "why can't I have it all?" in typical selfish fashion. I have earnestly prayed for God to remove desires if they're not from Him, but they are still here, just hanging out in the corners of my heart. After reading about Elizabeth this morning, I know for certain: "For nothing will be impossible with God!"

My role is not to worry or concern myself with what might be, or even what might be missed. My role is to live with arms wide and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who made it all. If nothing is impossible when God is in charge, then I have nothing to fear. I need this reminder daily- hourly, even. All that I feel called to walk toward are not all things that run parallel to each other- some of them are contradicting each other at this very moment. Tonight, after a day full of planning and worship and teaching and making Skype calls happen- I know for sure that I am doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing today. I know tomorrow will be just as it should be. If I believe that, then I also must believe in God's goodness one year, five years, ten years from now.

Thank you for those who have been praying for us. We arrived safely to Naomi's Village and have been having a BLAST being the only 3 at the guesthouse. It will be so great to have more people from teams show up within the next week. I really think having this time with just us 3 has been very instrumental in bonding us together and helping us spend quality time together.

Allie, Paul, Me and Ashley enjoying lunch at Java House on Friday!

Malindi Macchiato from Java House- had one for you Megan!

Prayer Requests:
Praise- My foot does NOT hurt at all! I have been using my golf balls from Leslie and Ken, and the essential oils from Amy to assist with that issue- and it has been great! Please continue to pray that there will be no more pain.
Pray for my sleep. I have been sleeping so well, but I am waking up at horribly early times and not being able to go back to sleep, which makes me want to go to bed early the next night, but then I wake up early again. I am going to try to stay up until 10 tonight (Bananagrams marathon game!!!)

Travel Time

Well, we made it! We are at GraceHouse in Nairobi. We had a few fun adventures to get here! First, all of my close friends who went to Kenya with me last year surprised me at the airport for a mini send off. It was the best! Kathy made a "Jill Ann" sign and everything! There was even cheering involved, although some would say it was chanting, NOT cheering (boys). Lindsay, Megan, Deanna, Ryan, Bryan, Britt, Kathy, Grace, Kim, Carolyn and my mom gathered around Ashley and I , joined by her mom, dad, and brother, to pray for us as we were getting ready to go through security. I gotta say, it meant so much to me.

We had a great first flight from DFW to Heathrow, and made our connecting flight in plenty of time! That was an answer to prayer because it was a very short connection (55 mins) and we had to go through security again in London. We met Allie at the gate or our next flight and boarded with her. This is when things started to get... "interesting".

We had this lady on our flight who was screaming and yelling, getting in people's faces, and basically being an unruly passenger. At one point, there were 5 flight attendants and the PILOT talking to her. Umm, I'm sorry, I think he should, you know, be flying the plane right now crazy?!? Then, I was standing up near the restroom, trying to get my lil smokie toes to reduce in size- and I hear a flight attendant on the phone, saying, "yes, she's in the back far left. We need another person back here to watch her or she's going to punch someone else." Umm, what? someone else?!? who had already been punched? So weird.

Finally, we got to Nairobi, went through customs, got our bags... and found our driver. He had a four door white car to take us to GraceHouse. Here is a photo of how the logistics worked in that small car with our giant bags:

Allie and I were sitting on actual car seats, while Ashley sat on our laps- with a 60 lb duffel bag on her lap and pushing into my lungs. The driver had 3 bags piled up next to him in the front, and Allie had about 6 bags piled up next to her in one of the back seats. We were cracking up, getting real cozy, and taking our first of what I'm sure will be many zany car rides here in Kenya.

When we got to GraceHouse, the guard at the gate said to our drive, "Where are the girls?" We were so covered up, that he couldn't even see us. Hilarious.

We are now cozy in our room, in fact the same room I was in last year! We are all clean, warm, and ready for tomorrow's adventures- getting our errands run, and getting on the road to Maai Mahiu!

It Begins Again!

I am less than 24 hours from boarding the plane that will take me to my other home. It is finally time for me to return to Naomi's Village and live among dear brothers and sisters for 6 weeks.

The last 5 days have been a blur of fear, panic, excitement, love, laughter, tears, and a general sense of being in awe of God's timing.

First of all, I have been blessed with some of the most tender hearted and generous people in my life. Close friends, coworkers (teacher family!), and acquaintances have continued to offer help up until the very last minute- checks to go toward last minute needs, a bag of yummy snacks to take with me, friends going shopping for me (!!! This should so be a thing. I think it is, but I'm not actually fancy enough to know about it in real life), and the best roommate ever cleaning the house like a BOSS and then telling me that I am to leave everything on Wednesday- she will handle it. Are you even kidding me?!?! It is so humbling and makes me tear up (shocker, I know) to witness people banding together to assist me for the cause of bringing hope to the hopeless and change to the previously stagnant education system.

To pick up and go is much more than that when one is established- I have a home group, a house, a lawn, a dog, and three houseplants.... I can't just simply go. These pieces of me must be cared for, tended to, shepherded. So to those who are stepping up to help with home group- Paige, Chelsea, Rachel, and Mary- wow. Thank you so much. I know I will miss a great deal by not being with you this summer. I will be praying for your closeness and your community.

Those who are mowing my lawn to keep me from being the neighborhood jerk/ugliest lawn on the block- Ryan, Drew & Kristi, Mo, and Martin- you're awesome. I'm sorry if my weed eater breaks. It's just that I'm cheap, and it's janky. There's water and other yummies in the fridge for you.

To those wonderful, selfless, spectacular friends who are taking care of my Hazel girl- Carrie, Lissa, Carolyn, Morgan, Mom- words cannot express how relieved I am that you all will be taking care of her while I'm away. I'm pretty sure she's not even gonna miss me. But I want her back when I get home. No one can keep her.

Carolyn, the best roommate around, thanks for keeping up with house junk and checking the mail-not letting my Birchboxes melt in the steel case of death Lewisville calls a mailbox...watering my plants and taking care of the logistics of everyone shuttling Hazel around and coming to mow. I could never just go without your help.

As you can see- there have been so many that have stepped in to help send me. Without their commitment, I would not be able to go. I pray I will be able to help send you on a journey in some way down the road.

It's a good night, friends. Once on the plane, none of this crazy packing/getting out of school/shoving worry aside/stomachache/what ifs will even matter.

See you soon, Naomi's Village!


Prayer Requests: That our team (Ashley, Allie, and myself) would all make our different connecting flights so we can arrive in Nairobi together. Safety upon entering Nairobi

What is Truth?

I've been rolling the idea of truth around in my head for the last month. I have been hesitant to write on it here, simply because I don't know if I even have a grasp on what it means to fully know the truth. Oftentimes, it seems that sin, situations, and circumstances make true things untrue. I've been looking at these hard times in a different light over the past year, only by God's grace. When something sad or difficult arises in my life or in the life of a dear friend, my old response was to ask God, "Why? Why do you allow things to be hard? To cause fear and doubt and worry?"

The answer I seemed to be getting was not a direct answer to my wrestling, but more about who God really is. What has been happening in these times of wrestling for me is a remembrance, a looking back- noticing, savoring, and remembering all the God has done in my life or in the lives of others. So undeserved, yet gracious, good, and loving all the same. Reading in scripture about God's dealings with his people and his character and attributes has also proved to be a balm for my spirit. A few days before my friend Lore posted this blog, I was thinking about how instrumental it has been to remind myself of what the truth is- about God, about me in Christ, about His kingdom.

When all the feelings and all the emotions threaten to derail me off my path of seeking Him and instead turn to questioning his motives and doubting his goodness- that is when I have to remember what he has done, and what his promises say he will continue to do. Preaching to myself has been instrumental to my peace this year, and my sure confidence that God will complete his works.

Do you understand it?

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9

I wrote this poem last weekend while I was sitting in the sanctuary, waiting for church to start. It's a little glimpse into the week in, week out feeling of loneliness that permeates everything about weekend services/ local church for me. Even though I see friends and chat with them a little, more often than not, I sit alone, speak with no one, and leave quietly. I don't want it to be that way, but fear gets in my way of interrupting others in their conversation, being told "no" if I ask to sit with acquaintances- and yes that has happened before- so although they are petty and silly, they are not unfounded. Nevertheless, the truth about who I am in Christ should make all that junk fall away like ash. But oftentimes, it doesn't. This was a way for me to confront my deceitful feelings while meditating on the truth.



Even though I am not alone
I sit in the crowd
and I am lonely.

I will not allow the enemy
to whisper
lies
of my worthlessness
to me.

For I have been bought
with a price
free to me
yet costly to my Lord.

So here I sit
swallowing the lump
in my throat
blinking back tears

Everything I feel
makes my head struggle
to believe the Truth
that my heart denies:

I am worthy (because He says I am).
I am loved (because He loves me).

He has to be Enough

On days like today, I normally am so down in the dumps, mad at the world, frustrated with myself. I woke up feeling awful, a sad continuation of yesterday. I had Very Important Things to get accomplished today, which requires A Game Status. I wore jeans on a day I wasn't supposed to, the Internet and Maverick messed up my testing sessions this morning, Pearson lost one of my kindergarteners' testing information in cyberspace. I forgot to run copies of the rubric for assessing 5th grader's semester research projects, and to top it off, we had a pot luck lunch today and I eat at 1 pm on Tuesdays- the last lunch of the day. You know what that means, right? That means- THERE'S NO FOOD LEFT. Boo. I was anticipating the worst, fearing for my emotional sanity, and prepping for a day from hell.

But God.

I don't have to be at my A Game, because my A Game is counted as filthy rags. He supported me, sustained me, helped me have a (mostly) good attitude, and I didn't cry. Miracle of all miracles. I had a great time with sweet little kinders, laughed a lot and celebrated a lot with my 5th graders who put everything into their amazing projects, and a lot of kids surprised me today by bringing money for shirts to support my Kenya trip.

Even on a day where I feel like I'm phoning it in, there is sufficient grace for me. What I can't do, he fills those gaps. I think the best thing about today was that I was under no illusions-I knew I was sucking hardcore. I couldn't try and pretend it was good or that I was making great things happen. Normally, I'm sucking but I've fooled myself into thinking I'm awesome, that I've  got it under control, and i know what I'm doing. More often than not, those gaps that are always there, but easily overlooked by me, are being filled by the Lord.

Changes...Take 2

Even more has changed in my life over the last 2 months than I could ever imagine.

I feel the call to lead adults. Not in the way I thought I would, what with getting my administrator's certificate and thinking I might be an Assistant Principal, or teach college courses. No, No...

God has consistently asked me to give up things that I love. First up: serving in Little Village. I LOVED serving in Little Village. It was a joy and an honor. For 2 hours each week, I got to feel like a mom, holding little babes, giving toddlers their snacks, playing with 4 year olds and reading to them as they snuggled into my lap.

Next up: home group child care. For the last 18 months, I have been privileged to be able to watch over 20 souls 3 Sunday afternoons a month, while their moms and dads fellowshipped. It is the best! We share prayer requests, pray for each other, talk about Jesus, play outside... like a home group for kids. Not only that, but these parents, these moms and dads- they treated me as one of their own in fellowship. They invited me to dinner, to fellowship nights, to go get snow cones after home group in the summer. They financially and prayerfully supported my trip to Kenya. They have cared for me well.

I also feel very secure in my singleness. I am not "waiting on the Lord"- simply put, he is outside of time. I know what he is asking of me, and I am making strides toward it... Of course, there is this guy. He's great. A friend. I feel a connection when he's around, like instant. And has the potential to be very deep. Which, honestly throws me. But I have no vain imagination about the situation. God will do what he's gonna do. And I'm just living over here, in single girl world.

I am still  going to apply and hopefully interview for an AP job in February. Although my outlook on it is very different than it once was. If it is going to happen, it's going to happen. If not, it won't. I have settled on the idea that I will walk toward what I feel called to, and God's going to allow it or not.

I am applying for the Sending Program. I'm no longer waiting for my life to start to go serve the nations. My life has been started! For a long time, I just wasn't participating in it. Rather, I was moping around, feeling sorry for myself, letting life happen to me. No longer, my friends. I am going to walk toward this call, and see what God does with it. I have no idea how long I will go for, or when I will go- but I'm walking toward it. I'm just in the very very beginning stages of dreaming about what it might be like to teach in Kenya.

Just to be clear, these firm and confident landings I have made over the past couple of months have been rife with fear, tears, stomachaches, difficulty sleeping. Im not just out here floating on sunshine and rainbows. My fears, worries, and what-ifs have to come to the end of themselves before I feel firmly rooted in the truth.

I am starting a women's home group in January. Leading other women. If I get the AP job, I will be leading other teachers. I believe this transition from leading children (whom, lets' face it- automatically love their teachers/caretakers) to leading adults (who pretty much judge and criticize any authority) is a straight up lesson in finding my identity and worth in the Cross, and not in others' opinions of me. This is so excruciatingly difficult for me- tangible versus intangible, fear of man, control, anger- ugh, what filth. And yet, all of that has been redeemed and will continue to be redeemed.